


Bee Demon

by Shadowolven



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Alternate Universe, Bee!Bill, Bumble!Bill, Fluff, He's actually a honeybee but the name BUMBLEBILL IS JUST SO CUTE, M/M, Older Dipper Pines, drunk!Bill
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-08
Updated: 2016-04-08
Packaged: 2018-05-31 23:40:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6492397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadowolven/pseuds/Shadowolven
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bill is a honeybee and decides to harass Dipper, who is allergic to bees.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bee Demon

“WHAT?!” exclaimed a bright and mildly irritating voice that echoed off the honeycomb walls.

“I’m sorry, Bill, but our hive no longer needs your services,” said a calm, humming voice that soothed the tension in the air.

“BUT A DEAL’S A DEAL. YOU CAN’T BREAK IT OFF JUST LIKE THAT,” retorted the angry yellow-and-black striped insect as he looked up to the larger, female queen bee that sat on her glistening wax throne.

“Sorry, but the hive’s been doing fairly well and, frankly, you’re not doing much to help us out these days,” she responded, gesturing to the nearby male drone guards to escort the exiled insect out of her territory.

Bill’s entire insectoid body vibrated with rage as he listened to the queen’s insufferable comments. “I BUILT this hive from the ground up, watched you pathetic maggots grow up and live out your miserable lives, and THIS is how you decide to repay me after all these generations? You’re going to  _ regret _ this,” he buzzed angrily as a few male drones began advancing towards him, “And when this hive begins to crumble and you all begin your slow descent into the depths of hell, I’ll be waiting there, laughing when you beg for me to come back.” He began backing up from the queen’s chamber of his own volition, knowing full well when he wasn’t wanted. “Because you will realize that you NEED me, and NO ONE breaks a deal with ME.”

The queen sighed and gestured with a foreleg to shoo away the noisy insect. Bill lowered his head and shook his body violently, signaling to his small royal audience of his rage, before turning around and flying out of the hive and into the calm, morning air.

 

With fervent speed, he flew miles away, the scenery changing before his black insectoid eyes from a calm, undisturbed green nature to a disorderly grey, concrete city life. Bill quickly identified a plant within the city that he knew could drown out his rage, landing on a group of flowers that he remembered had some chemicals that would effectively make him drunk.

“I can’t believe them,” Bill huffed angrily as he self-indulged in the drug flower. He stuck his honeybee frame as far deep into the flower as his slightly obese insectoid body would allow, greedily lapping up the nectar from the interiors of the plant. The chemicals in the sweet liquid quickly began to dull his senses as he proceeded to get drunk off of this plant. “I spent so many goddamn years in that forsaken hive and in the end, I barely got anything out of it. Well, FUCK THEM, FUCK THE MATRIARCHY!” He bitterly flew out of the flower and into another one, angrily scooping more nectar into his mandibles. “See if I care! I don’t need them. I don’t need a hive, or ANYONE for that matter! I’m an all-powerful bee demon and NO ONE CAN STOP ME.”

As he kept ranting to himself and flying drunkenly between the flowers, he heard a quiet humming from nearby. Bill turned around and watched with an unfocused vision as a brown-haired human walked past with an unusually brightly colored and delicious-looking bouquet. His insectoid eyes locked onto the vibrant colors, and his drunk but functioning instincts told him to fly over and self-indulge in the feast of various kinds of nectars. He flew not far behind the unaware human lazily but eagerly with erratic movements.

Dipper hummed to himself as he delicately held the beautiful flowers in his hands. Mabel had given these to him to celebrate his brilliant performance he had given earlier at his college, and she sure knew how to pick out the best bouquet that smelled absolutely divine. He walked up to his apartment front door and opened it up, stepping in before slowly closing it. The brunet quickly fetched out a vase and filled the container with some water before putting the bundle of flowers in.

He stepped back and looked at it, proud of the reminder of his great achievements and how the décor brought life into his bare living room. Dipper suddenly frowned as he noticed a small, black-and-yellow insect haphazardly fly towards the flower. “Oh no, nononono,” Dipper whispered as he began to step back as he watched the bee ungracefully land on his bouquet. “Whyisthereafuckingbeeinhere,” Dipper hastily whispered as he began to panic, sweating nervously as his heart began to race.

Dipper had found out he was allergic to bees not-so-long ago when he had been unluckily stung by one during a class field trip, and he was sure as hell he did  _ not  _ want to experience  _ that _ again. He slowly backed into the nearby open kitchen and towards a nearby countertop, still warily watching the dangerous insect all the while. Quietly, he fumbled behind him with the drawer handle to pull out his EpiPen in case he had to use it. He really didn’t want to, though. Needles weren’t the most pleasant thing in the world.

“Shit, shit, how do I get rid of it…” the brunet whimpered pathetically as he anxiously watched the bee buzz around his bouquet. “I can… use a fly swatter, I guess, but what if that just pisses it off and then it really does try to kill me? Maybe I should trap it? Just… open the door and pray it flies out? But what if that attracts more bees?” He  _ really _ didn’t know what to do, and mumbling worriedly to himself while anxiously watching this trapped killer insect wasn’t soothing his paranoia.

Bill continued to innocently sample the nectar in the flowers, buzzing happily to himself as each unique flavor settled in his mandibles and proceeded down into his tiny, but stuffed, stomach. “Man, this shit’s good,” he hummed loudly, loud enough for the panicking human to hear him a few feet away.

Dipper furrowed his brows, bewildered. Did… did that bee just talk?  _ Bees can fucking talk?  _ No, no, of course not. They can’t talk. He was just hallucinating because he’s freaking the fuck out. That’s all. Haha, no big deal.

Bill swallowed another gulp of nectar. “This shit is REALLY fucking good,” he groaned to himself, lost in his drunken and gluttonous state.

Dipper began to hyperventilate as he listened to the unusual voice clearly emanating from the insect that was currently molesting his flowers. “Okay, Dipper,” he gripped his own chest as he began to take slow, deep breaths in an attempt to calm down. “You’re  _ not  _ going crazy, bees can’t talk, you know that…”

The insect slowly turned his head around, his eyes attempting to focus on the mumbling human. If he could narrow his eyes, he would, because he was offended. “Bees can’t talk? That what you really think, you pathetic fleshbag?” Bill buzzed, flying in the general direction towards the male. “We just don’t talk to you dumb rocks because you don’t understand ANYTHING about the world. Doing this, doing that, taking the land for your greedy selves, and ESPECIALLY our honey. How DARE you enslave our kind to satisfy your pathetic and unsophisticated tastebuds. Do you even KNOW how honey is made? YOU’RE DRINKING OUR DRIED VOMIT, YOU SICK FREAKS.” His tiny, hovering body shook with pent-up rage as he flew a few inches away from the completely freaked out male.

Dipper completely backed up against the counter, panicking even harder as this sentient insect began advancing closer to him AND berating him. This was just a horrible nightmare, made just for him. A talking insect that seems to hate humanity that can kill him with a single sting. “Oh god, oh god,” Dipper began to hysterically whisper to himself subconsciously as he looked at the small insect’s erratic movements before him. “Please don’t sting me,” he whimpered.

“Oh, you want me to STING you? Is that it? Huh, HUH, KID?” Bill buzzed in a drunken, angry slur, flying dangerously close to Dipper’s face, showing off his black stinger at the base of his abdomen, “’Cause I can sting you alright. I’ll shove my pointy ass probe STRAIGHT INTO YOUR SWEET-ASS SKIN, you SICK hairless ape!”

“N-no, please!” Dipper cried as he leaned as far back as his spine would allow, clenching the counter and EpiPen tightly with his hands. He eyed the insect’s throbbing abdomen that was mere centimeters away from his face. “That… that would be bad, because it’ll kill you, right?” He nervously laughed, hoping to sway the obviously sentient insect from attacking him.

Bill backed up a few inches. Dipper felt like the bee was glaring or squinting his eyes at him, although obviously bees can’t do that considering they lack eyelids. “… Would it?” Bill finally hummed quietly, but audible enough for the human to hear. “I don’t remember stinging anything, so I… don’t seem to know.” He swayed sideways, the chemicals still numbing his mind, as he tried to fetch his memories from his drunk, bee brain. Damn, he really drank too much of that hallucinogenic flower.

Dipper watched quietly and anxiously as the insect slowly but gradually descended and ultimately collapsed onto his tiled kitchen ground. “U-uhh,” Dipper uttered as he continued to watch the sentient insect in silence for a few minutes. The insect seemed to be relatively unresponsive. Did it just… die? He cautiously knelt down and inspected it. He didn’t notice it before in his earlier panicked state, but the insect seemed to be sporting a cute little bee-sized top hat and… was that also a bee-sized bowtie around its fuzzy neck? Bees could make and wear clothes, too?

The yellow-and-black insect seemed to be twitching every now and then. Dipper REALLY had no idea what to do. Maybe just fetch a paper, pick it up, and throw it outside. He had enough of this talking-bee business and he sure as hell didn’t want to keep it in his house. It was fascinating, what with the sentience and unique clothing, but frankly he was too distraught and panicked to care about interrogating this strange creature. This thing could  _ kill _ him for goodness sakes.

The male nervously retreated and returned, having procured a piece of computer paper. As he scooted the thin sheet under the seemingly lifeless body, the insect suddenly stood up and faced him. Dipper squeaked and released the sheet of paper and backed away.

Bill fluttered his wings and lazily lifted himself up into the air again, advancing towards the human male who had plastered himself against the wall. “Hey, kid,” he hummed, looking up and down at the freaked out brunet. “Pine Tree,” he finally uttered as his bug eyes fixated on the blue pine tree symbol on the human’s baseball cap that looked a little too worn out from the years of use. “I’m… going to camp out in your house.”

“What?!” Dipper practically screeched as he watched the bee drunkenly fly towards the bouquet in his living room. “You can’t stay here! There’s no way in  _ hell _ I’m going to let a fucking  _ bee _ stay in my apartment!”

“I come from the depths of hell and I don’t have the capacity to reproduce,” Bill responded lazily as he loosely grasped the flowers. He wound up collapsing onto the cool dining table as he failed to obtain proper footing in his drunken stupor. Dipper scrunched up his face in bewilderment as he listened to that odd response. Bill lazily grunted, “And I got kicked out of my hive, so I’m staying with you ‘cause you got some nice flowers.”

_ Oh my god, what the fuck is wrong with this bee. _ Dipper placed his hands on both sides of his head and groaned frustratingly as he slumped down against the wall, struggling to understand what the hell was going on. He was only a college student, trying to make something of himself in the eyes of his peers and professors, but now he found himself stuck with this stubborn, sentient, and possibly murderous insect that wore ridiculous clothing? Dipper sighed and went into his bedroom, shutting the door and placing towels in the gap under the door to prevent the pesky insect from assaulting him in his sleep, and prepared to go to bed to sleep off all the confusion and anxiety. Who knows, maybe that bee was just a terrible hallucination and will disappear tomorrow.

 

***

 

It’s been a month since the striped insect had forced his way into Dipper’s daily life. Dipper had learned that the insect’s name was Bill Cipher and had apparently lived for hundreds of thousands of years, which he found frankly too hard to believe. There’s no way a normal animal could live that long, but Bill cryptically left hints during their conversations that seemed to point to his origin being a demon. Bee demons seemed quite a stretch, but then again, a talking bee was already unnatural. Why not add immortality and demonic abilities to the whole shebang?

He was still uncomfortable with the fact he was living with a creature that could easily send him to the hospital, but he had learned to suppress that fear as he got to know and interact with the carefree insect. I mean, the bug didn’t seem that threatening even if it said some strange things and seemed to have a vendetta against the human race. And was a demon. Dipper really hoped that this creature wasn’t out to get his soul or something. Or maybe it’s already too late and he just doesn’t know it. He really didn’t want to think about that. It’s bad enough having to pick out flowers or have Bill hovering around him in public, freaking out nearby strangers, as he escorted the buzzing insect to a proper location to satisfy the insect’s gluttonous appetite.

Dipper sighed as he walked on the dirt road through a nearby forest park, Bill buzzing happily around him. “Aren’t you full yet?” the brunet asked tiredly. They’d been outside for over a few hours and he had homework to get to.

“Almost, kid. Calm down,” Bill hummed casually as he floated over towards a nearby flower, quickly thrusting himself inside to fetch out the sweet nectar.

Dipper paused in his stride, stopping to observe the mesmerizing movements of the fuzzy insect fluttering between the flowers with skill and ease. He smiled a little to himself as he continued to examine his strange companion’s behavior. He didn’t want to openly admit it, but he was kind of happy to have met Bill. It was getting lonely in his apartment, and while he didn’t expect his new roommate to be an annoying mooching sentient bee, it was pretty fun hanging out with Bill. He had someone to talk to back at home, to share stories with and to learn more about the strange culture of honeybees and other aspects of nature, although he wasn’t sure he could authenticate these facts he was receiving. For all he knew, Bill could be pulling his leg this entire time, but it sure fueled his curious and superstitious mind.

There was a rustle from nearby. The hairs on the back of Dipper’s neck rose as he felt a strange presence from behind him. He cautiously glanced backwards and squeaked as a creature suddenly leapt out from the bushes.

He instinctively stepped back but sighed in relief as he saw the creature was just a harmless bunny. Dipper nervously laughed a little as he watched the fluffy creature sniff the ground and before staring at him with a wide-eyed look. “Hey there, little guy,” Dipper spoke quietly as he knelt down, reaching out a hand to pet the creature. It probably would run away, but it never hurt to try petting the wildlife. The bunny stared down at his outstretched arm for a few brief moments.

Bill continued to occupy himself with the flowers, lost in his self-indulgence. Suddenly, he heard a frightened male yelling in surprise from nearby. The insect pulled himself out of the flower and curiously looked over in the direction of the noise. “What are you screaming about, Pine Tree?” the bee hummed, mildly annoyed from his peaceful feast being interrupted by the male’s frantic calls.

The insect saw Dipper backed against a tree, staring up at a freakishly tall and rabid-looking hare. The human clumsily but successfully dodged a swipe from the sharpened claws of the monster. The claws left a deep gash on the bark of the tree. Bill’s body shuddered with anger and anticipation as he quickly flew over towards the scrambling human.

“Kid, we need to get the FUCK OUT OF HERE,” Bill buzzed loudly.

“YOU THINK?” Dipper screeched as he rolled out of the way of another attack by the monster. The impact on the soft earth left a deep imprint of the hare’s paw.

Bill frantically looked around and flew rapidly in front of the human that had managed to stand up and break out into a run. “This way!” he buzzed as he continued his alarm dance.

Dipper breathed heavily as he followed his insectoid companion back down the road towards the car. The hare let out an echoing howl before dashing at quick speeds towards the panicking human. “Oh geez, oh geez, oh geez,” Dipper continued to mutter hysterically as he sprinted as fast as his legs would allow, the adrenaline keeping his muscles in constant flight mode.

Despite his best, however, the hare dashed in front of the fleeing human, blocking the path with its forelimbs outstretched to prepare another attack. Dipper skidded to a halt and looked helplessly at the large creature.

Bill flew off to the side, able to maneuver to safety from the monster’s swinging radius with ease from his small and quick frame. However, as he glanced back at the human and the monster, he knew all too well that Dipper’s moment of hesitance would cost him dearly. He sure as hell wasn’t going to watch this freakish monster rip his human’s body to shreds before him. Not on his watch. He made a mad beeline dash towards the monster’s neck, stinger exposed and ready.

Time seemed to slow down for Dipper. The brunet watched with fear as the monster prepared to swing a vicious claw upon him, but he also saw Bill’s quicker advancements upon the monster. He saw his companion’s posture and only knew what it meant, dread overriding his senses.

The hare screeched in pain as Bill drove his stinger into the vulnerable neck of the creature. It instinctively swatted the insect away and continued howling in pain, shaking its head back and forth furiously as it ran off into the bushes, the poison from the stinger continuing to  seep through its veins.

Bill buzzed in pain as some nerves, muscles, and other parts of his lower abdomen tore off from the rest of his body, his stinger successfully remaining lodged in the monster. He vaguely remembered landing on the soft earth some distance away before everything faded to black.

Dipper quickly scrambled over towards the bee, gently scooping the insect up as he felt tears begin to well up in his eyes. A honeybee that lost its stinger only meant death. “Bill, Bill, please, don’t die,” Dipper began to sob as he watched the insect slowly tuck in its legs closer to its body, unresponsive.

“No…” Dipper whined as the insect remained motionless after some time. He cried and brought the insect closer to his chest. “You sacrificed yourself, just to save me…”

Dipper heard some rustling nearby and quickly looked around. He stood up and began to dash towards to the parking lot, still carrying the insect delicately in his cupped hands, as he focused on running before any new monsters decided to seek him out for a snack. Bill’s sacrifice wasn’t going to be in vain.

Once he reached his car, he slumped beside his car door and cautiously looked back down at Bill, who looked unusually peaceful in his hands. “I never got to tell you… that I… I was so glad to have met you,” he sniffled. The tears reemerged and began to fall down his cheeks once more, landing onto his palms.

One such tear fell upon the insect, and it twitched in response. Dipper felt the slight movement and quickly blinked to clear his blurred vision. “Bill?” he choked out, hope filling his chest.

Another tear landed on the bug’s body. The bug twitched his legs again and struggled to obtain a footing on the boy’s dampened hands as Bill slowly began to upright himself. “Yeesh, you trying to drown me, kid?” the bug strained to utter out, vibrating rhythmically to shake off the liquid from his body.

“You’re… you’re alive?” Dipper whispered, surprised. He felt the warm feeling of happiness quickly fill the earlier sorrowful void in his heart.

“HAH, you think a being of pure energy like  _ me _ could die from losing my stinger?” he hummed in a mocking tone, shaking his wings from the salty liquid that stuck to it. “Don’t be ridiculous. I… just forgot that I repressed all those memories of stinging things. That shit fucking  _ hurts _ .”

Dipper frowned and placed the insect on his lap. “You’re telling me you just…  _ forgot  _ what it was like to sting?”

Bill adjusted his top hat and bowtie while looking up at the dumbfounded human’s face. “What, you can’t  _ honestly  _ expect an intelligent being like me to remember all the little details, do you?”

Dipper crossed his arms. “So why did it seem like you were actually dead, then?”

“Gotta regenerate my damaged body,” Bill replied calmly as he glanced down at his abdomen. “Yep, seems good as new!” he hummed happily as he fluttered into the air. “Plus, I like a little drama sometimes! You shoulda seen the look on your face, kid,” he laughed, “Did you know you have such an  _ adorable _ facial expression when you’re so shocked and upset like that?”

The brunet glared at him. “I’m  _ not adorable _ and I  _ don’t _ appreciate that little prank you pulled on me. I was really worried, you know!” he growled and swatted at the flying insect with rage, “And you had to go around, playing with my feelings like that!”

Bill dodged the angry swings and buzzed in alarm, “Whoa, whoa, Pine Tree! Calm down! If you do squish me, I might  _ actually _ die this time!”

Dipper stopped flailing his arm at his infuriating companion and turned his head sideways, body trembling with various emotions of anger and sorrow. “I hate you,” he mumbled. “If you had actually died, I… I don’t know what…” He sniffled and struggled to make out further coherent words as a few tears streamed down his face.

The bee watched the crying human in silence for a few moments before flying close and landing gently on a dry spot on the male’s cheek. Dipper nearly instinctively backed away from the sudden closeness of a threatening bug below his eye, but he managed to steel himself and continued to silently cry, allowing his friend to comfort him.

Bill brushed the tear away with a furry leg in a bug-like attempt to soothe the human. “… I’m sorry, Dipper,” the bee hummed quietly as he leaned his chitinous body closer towards the warm, soft skin of the upset human.

Neither exchanged further words as Dipper slowly calmed down, listening to the comforting buzzing of the bee. “It’s okay,” the brunet managed to utter after some time, smiling a little. “I’m just glad you’re still alive.” He reached up to his face and lightly petted the fuzzy insect with an index finger. Bill buzzed happily in response. “Just… promise me you won’t pull that stunt again, please?”

Bill hummed contentedly, “Sure, kid.” He fluttered off of the male’s face and onto the driver’s window of Dipper’s car. “Now let’s get back home and go back to living your boring, human life, yeah?”

Dipper grinned and stood up, wiping his wet face dry with his sleeve. He opened up the door and let the insect enter first before he followed suit. “Yeah, let’s,” he responded happily as he started up the car and began the drive back to his apartment with his insectoid companion.

**Author's Note:**

> I'M CONTRIBUTING TO THE FANDOM, RITE? LOLOL. Also, drunk Bill is REALLY fun to write out. Even if he's a bee in this silly AU.
> 
> Credits to my friends for pushing me to write this crack AU idea out and helping with the derp story and edits. <3
> 
> I HOPE YOU ENJOYED THIS!


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